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Why Trying Hard to Stay in an Unhappy Relationship Is Not Love, but Fear

Why Trying Hard to Stay in an Unhappy Relationship Is Not Love, but Fear
From Lifehack - October 17, 2017

Dating in todays society is difficult. Its like navigating a mine field. Once people finally find someone they can settle down with, they want that relationship to last. Even if it means settling when they feel unhappy in the relationship, have to tolerate discomfort in the relationship, and convincing themselves that the relationship will be better some day.Dating in todays society is difficult. Its like navigating a mine field. Once people finally find someone they can settle down with, they want that relationship to last. Even if it means settling when they feel unhappy in the relationship, have to tolerate discomfort in the relationship, and convincing themselves that the relationship will be better some day.

No one wants to be sad for sure. But why so many people choose to stay in an unhappy relationship even though they find it unfulfilling?

Think about life before anyone entering a relationship. They were going along, relatively happy, free and doing their own thing.

Then they met and possibly fell in love with their partner. And things changed.

It was great at first. They started to build their own box, forming a close bonding.

But then things began to shift because of different reasons.People will endure sadness, depression and live a life that is unfulfilled because its convenient and they are afraid to leave their comfy and cozy little box.

They will rationalize staying for a variety of reasons. Maybe theyhave kids together or have lots of shared memories. Maybe they have been together for many years and have invested a lot in building the box. They just dont want to waste everything theyve built.

They may think that they can still make the relationship better. They look at everything in the box and though they see the massive room for improvement, they want to fix those issues. They believe that love is tough and it needs to be hard in order to work. Or, they feel that they just havent tried hard enough.

Humans are creatures of habit. Once you find something that works and that makes you feel comfortable, you fight to keep it. For most people its just easier to stay. Thats the default. The box is safe and familiar.

The Problem with the Box

The problem with the box is that it blocks people from being aware of what happens inside and outside their relationship.

While some of the reasons such as having kids together are legitimate to stay in a relationship, people need to do a deeper assessment to determine the true reasons for wanting to stay.

If people only think about the effort spent on building this box, all the memories, emotions and things shared throughout the time and hate to let all of that go; they are sacrificing their opportunities to be happier. This is actually a sunk cost bias. It means when people have spent a lot of effort on something, they wont stop investing in it even if its going wrong. They dont want to waste the previous investment but this has blocked them from exploring and investing in better opportunities.

How to Get Out of the Box

Press Pause

Talk the Difficult Talk

Stay Because of Love, Not Fear

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